What's really behind the word
My eyes have been so sensitive to blue light lately, so I've been reducing my screen time - printing out the decks I need to read, texting less, and also writing SOAR less...sorry.
Realistically, this is probably my last post for the year. I feel like I should write a 2021 reflection, but don't often rush to get those done because crunch time can be fruitful. But if there's one thing I'm thinking about right now, it's how I'll answer The Proust Questionnaire. I started doing this last year and intend to do so every year. It’s short, sweet, and will capture continuity and transition over time.
Unlocking meaning
Despite SOAR's focus on finding work, I don't really talk about my actual work often. Lately, a few things have happened where I find myself answering work-related questions out of personal interest, versus professional scope.
Virgil Abloh’s death hit me in interesting ways and on a few different levels. One of them is that as a marketer, strategist, and consumer, I've really struggled with the industry abuse of two words - creator and community. I generally keep this opinion to myself because I'm not one to criticize without suggesting solutions, and was in the process of defining creator in a way that respects craft and essence in the work while being inclusive in encouraging participation. But the week Virgil passed away was when I had a major breakthrough in articulating meaning behind both words in a way that I hope we’re more considerate of going forward.
I can't explain it, but seeing how many people he personally touched was an inflection point. His dedication to creating community was omnipresent and it feels like everyone has a story. One friend told me that he immediately contributed to the AAPI GoFundMe that she and others organized. Another person was invited to contribute a piece of art for an exhibit he was a part of. My social feeds were filled with people sharing screenshots of his texts, and you can argue it was a competition for social currency, but regardless, all of these accounts led me to one observation: that Virgil reached out often and responded even more often.
When I think about what separates a great human from a great person, it's not a level of competence, achievement, wealth, access, or the many other extrinsic factors; it always comes back to the things that are easy to execute and grounded in respect, like being on time and getting back to someone. Have you ever written a note to someone you didn't know and were FLOORED when that person replied? Or how about the opposite - have you ever had reason to think that you would hear back, but never did? In both instances, these outcomes have lasting impressions.
Takeaway: just get back to people, even if it’s been a while. The courtesy is almost always appreciated.
Courtesy is just the start
Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of the word courtesy; I tend to make a stinky face just thinking about it. I like that the implicit intent is positive, but dislike the word for the same reasons I dislike niceness and politeness (which are different than kindness and respect, respectively). All of these words share an element of what you’re supposed to do vs. what you actually want to do; this is when sincerity and authenticity factor into what separates care from courtesy.
At its best, courtesy is predominantly authenticity in execution, while care includes sincerity of intent.
I've talked about sincerity and authenticity before in my approach to networking, and the thing that continues to surprise me is how many people think the person or company on the other side can't tell the difference between courtesy and care. The same way consumers are smarter than some (less than great) marketers give them credit for, the same holds true here.
Takeaway: mean what you say. Why you say something matters just as much as the what and the how.
We > Me
In thinking about these two components (i.e., sincerity of intent and authenticity in execution), I couldn't help but ask myself what would make this feel complete. Where I landed is that my favorite humans all exhibit one more thing: self-awareness of the outcome; the wording here doesn't feel exactly right, but I'm trying to capture that these people are damn good at knowing how their behaviors/actions/messages will be perceived and received.
Takeaway: sincerity and authenticity only focus on yourself, whereas the self-awareness of the outcome accounts for others. 1+1 = 3.
(Sidenotes: I've mentioned a lot of words today: good people, good humans, favorite humans, creator, community, courtesy, care, niceness, kindness, etc. It’s important to note that these aren’t mutually exclusive. Also, among good/favorite people/humans, I think there's another notable group: unicorns. I don't love the term, but it's the only one that I currently feel captures what they are - freakin' unicorns. In terms of how to explain this, I'd need to refine it for SOAR because what I have now involves vulgar language.)
One last thing
I'd be remiss if I didn't fulfill a request from one of your fellow readers:
Subject suggestion for SOAR: how to approach conversations through gratitude and gaps. Was explaining it to a friend tonight and he said “damn you’ve got BARS” 😂
Some time ago, [we'll call this person Alex] was feeling stuck in his role and ready for something new. He wanted to figure out how to productively approach a career conversation about his growth and I suggested to structure it via gratitude and gaps - to start with the opportunities and aspects of his role that he's grateful for before sharing gaps in the experiences and skill sets he's still looking for.
Long story short, the career conversation went really well and Alex has since landed a promotion - woot!
As a people manager, I've seen and heard too many folks entering career conversations without knowing what they actually want. Without this, it's hard to help prepare them with what they'll need and open doors accordingly.
I'm sharing this in case it's helpful, as December is often a time for reflection. Personally, I hope it's also a time for imagination because your potential is only as high as your willingness to see it.
Happy holidays to you all, xx.