My recent posts have been long and my days have been longer. As such, I'm going to try and make this shorter and sweeter (if not for you to read, then at least for me to write).
Kindness in coffee
I offered a friend some interview help this past weekend and she treated me to coffee and this divine peanut butter miso cookie from Baker & Spice. (Had I known it would taste so great, I would’ve taken a photo before biting into it.) Even if you think you can imagine how it tastes, I'm here to tell you that it's even better. First of all, it has a perfectly chewy texture. Second, peanut butter can often overpower other flavors, but not in the case of this cookie, which blends the two flavors together so wonderfully.
You're probably wondering where I'm going with this…if you meet someone for an informational coffee chat, the simple act of buying a coffee or cookie can do wonders. 'Surprise and delight' is a marketing term for a reason, and I've learned that the gesture to do so is obvious to some and elusive to others.
(Btw, I scored two surprise cookies this week! The second one came from a restaurant as a 'thank you' for waiting an extra 7 mins on my take-out order. It was completely unnecessary, but super gracious nonetheless.)
Kindness as an insider
Last week, I was walking and talking with a friend (after more coffee) and he asked if I'd consider making freelancing a full-time thing. I've gotten this question a lot lately and my answer continues to be 'no' for a few reasons (including legislative ones!!!). The most important reason is simply that I can help others so much more easily when I work on the brand side. Two examples:
My former co-worker and now friend (called Jack for the sake of this story) recently finished interview rounds and needed to share some references. Since I’m one of his biggest fans, I was delighted to speak to the hiring manager. She asked me the usual questions and ended with, "Is there anything else that you think we should take into consideration as we're assessing Jack?" My answer: "If you don't hire Jack, it's honestly your loss." I know this might sound extreme, but he’s that legit across every dimension - maturity, attitude, skillset - and will develop into one helluva leader one day. Jack gave his two weeks notice this week and I am so happy to have possibly influenced the hiring manager’s decision; she seriously won’t regret it.
I inherited a direct report and his salary was lower than my expectation and company median. While that's certainly allowed, his performance (especially relative to his peers) earned him the median at a minimum. The catch: his pay increase would exceed the yearly threshold that's allowable without it becoming a special exception. Since I was new to the company and figured I should understand how compensation works there anyway, I learned everything there is to know about it, created a case to make the exception, and gained leadership-level alignment to do so.
In both of these instances, I really don't think I could’ve had the same impact as a freelancer. I get that my business outcomes could have equal weight, but these kinds of people matters are so much more important because they hit the heart. They don't take much effort, just a little thought and follow though in the same ways my cookie-fairies demonstrated.
Kindness as an advocate
As Jack's reference, I was essentially his sponsor. 'Sponsor' and 'mentor' are terms that are thrown around a lot these days (and they should be), but I'd also love to add 'advocate' to the mix. The differences:
Sponsors are in the room when you can't be, and are speaking to your interests and on your behalf. In nearly all cases, their titles rank higher than yours.
Mentors advise you. While they may have a more senior title, I don't think this is the appropriate way of thinking about it. Mentors simply have more practice and experience in something; in other words, more occasions vs solely more years. As much as I love my executive-level mentors, I am nothing without my peer ones; they're legit money. Relative to executive mentors, peers tend to offer more cumulative value over time, and are more willing to engage in real talk.
Advocates support you, often in more subtle ways. They reinforce your comment or idea in the meeting you just sat through. They ‘reply all’ on that email to give you a fair shout to say what a joy it was to partner with you on a project. They remind those around you to create environments for you to feel safe and be seen.
Intentional or not, advocates act out of kindness in the sense that there's less public expectation for them to do what they do; it’s for this very reason that their impact can make waves. This is slightly different than situations involving sponsors and mentors, where there are often specific reasons (e.g., promotion cycle, tricky colleague) that trigger engagement.
The difference between working in the presence and absence of advocates is one that’s not only seen, but also viscerally felt and can affect mental health. As such, I beg of you to assess whether your behaviors reflect those of one. If so, ilysm. If not, there’s no better time than now to start because kindness begets kindness, remember??
I wish there were short reads that I personally endorse on this specific subject. There are books such as Give and Take that are related and worth reading, but feel free to comment if you have any recs.
If you haven't caught on yet, this whole post is centered around being sweet. Just don't be too sweet (unless via cookie surprises) - it can freak people out!
BYE FOR NOW, xx.